Never Put Beer-Lovers In Charge of the Beer
Christmas Eve Day events this year included cleaning the house and then decorating said house. Needless to say, such events involved "dusting." My father instructed my brother and I to "dust" various furniture pieces and nick-nacky things around the house. He looked upon our futile attempts at cleanliness as he did earlier in my life when we tried to build a fort out of the couch cushions (bricks) and peanut butter (mortar). Thats about the time he sent us out the door to "help out" and get beer and some flowers. Only later did I realize this was a job that was only given to us to get us "the hell out of the way" and just slightly beat out the job assignment of arranging the shoes descending alphabetical order by brand names.
This trip was supposed to take us 30 minutes. We were gone for 2 hours.
This is why you don't put beer lovers in charge of the beer. We sat there trying to make what seemed to us as an extremely important choice. Of course we asked our dad what he wanted and left it up to "whatever you want." That was a mistake.
We, at first glance, narrowed it down to about 45 brands.
Then that became about 10-15.
The beer that you buy says a lot. Not only about the kind of person you are, but what you think about the people you buy it for. Here are some examples of what we encountered today...
Any Pale Ale:
About You (AY): "I'm a Polly Prissy Pants!"
About Them (AT): "I laugh at your weak stomach, and taunt your lack of taste! But I will appease you so I don't have to listen to you whine."
Any Stout (i.e. Guiness):
AY: "I am a man's man. But not in that way."
AT: "I challenge you to match my sighs of satisfaction with your gags of weakness!"
Any Local Micro Brew:
AY: "I support the community. I am a local hero"
AT: "You need some culture, outsider. Now git!"
Bud, Coors, Miller:
AY: "I'm a consumer whore! Oooh! Look at the shiny bottles!"
AT: "I have no idea what I'm doing, and don't care enough about you to try."
Any Natural Ice, Milwakee's Best, or Equivalent:
AY: "I hate myself"
AT: "I hate you"
And those are just a few examples. PA beer distributers carry a bigger selection with equally bigger implications. So the next time you're gonna just "run in" to the beer store, please take the time to think about what you are saying with your beer. Or at least who you are insulting.
Happy Holidays,
Joe
This trip was supposed to take us 30 minutes. We were gone for 2 hours.
This is why you don't put beer lovers in charge of the beer. We sat there trying to make what seemed to us as an extremely important choice. Of course we asked our dad what he wanted and left it up to "whatever you want." That was a mistake.
We, at first glance, narrowed it down to about 45 brands.
Then that became about 10-15.
The beer that you buy says a lot. Not only about the kind of person you are, but what you think about the people you buy it for. Here are some examples of what we encountered today...
Any Pale Ale:
About You (AY): "I'm a Polly Prissy Pants!"
About Them (AT): "I laugh at your weak stomach, and taunt your lack of taste! But I will appease you so I don't have to listen to you whine."
Any Stout (i.e. Guiness):
AY: "I am a man's man. But not in that way."
AT: "I challenge you to match my sighs of satisfaction with your gags of weakness!"
Any Local Micro Brew:
AY: "I support the community. I am a local hero"
AT: "You need some culture, outsider. Now git!"
Bud, Coors, Miller:
AY: "I'm a consumer whore! Oooh! Look at the shiny bottles!"
AT: "I have no idea what I'm doing, and don't care enough about you to try."
Any Natural Ice, Milwakee's Best, or Equivalent:
AY: "I hate myself"
AT: "I hate you"
And those are just a few examples. PA beer distributers carry a bigger selection with equally bigger implications. So the next time you're gonna just "run in" to the beer store, please take the time to think about what you are saying with your beer. Or at least who you are insulting.
Happy Holidays,
Joe
posted by Melissa and Joe at 5:32 PM
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